smell my finger.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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