I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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