just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
