it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
