Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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