My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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