You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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