Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
