Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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