i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
