carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
