Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
