I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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