my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
