didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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