WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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