Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Jerry, you need to find god
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
