She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Its about making memories worth repressing
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
