Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Drake has all the answers
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
