i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
