ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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