Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
