Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
