Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
