y did u give ur computer a hand job?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
