it's too hot outside to masturbate.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
