I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
