So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
