I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
