Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
