Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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