This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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