Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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