I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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