i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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