So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
