Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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