Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
