Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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