Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
