She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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