i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
