VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
