You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize