You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
