he shaved USA in his pubs
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
