there's paper in my vomit.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
