I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
