Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
