So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize