Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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