Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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