She said her name was "party"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i dont even know how to be here
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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