There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
