having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
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I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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