Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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