Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
