if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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