She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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