I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
