Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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