So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
