i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
