Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
