she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
