the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
