I cockslap morals
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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