I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize