Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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