and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
