Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
