I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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