Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
