Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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