i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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