He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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