how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
