If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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