shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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