i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
