What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
